I have been blogging on a new wordpress one. A non anonymous one.
This post I feel warrants a return to this mopey-er blog.
I been sleeping with a guy for pretty much 2 straight months.
I think he’s amazing.
I managed not to fall for him.
I managed to put zero expectation on the whole thing
I managed not to get used to it.
And I really glad I didn’t because it turns out it’s nothing more that what it appeared to be.
So I guess I’m posting to say I learnt to do what I wanted to do.
I wanted not to feel.
This is me not feeling.
And I don’t feel much anymore.
Unless it’s served in glass or it’s physically I don’t feel much at all anymore.
Which is pretty lucky.
Because if I did, I don’t know who I’d have to go to that I could trust to spill my insides to.
I lost that person and so far, they’re not replaced.
No one I know has won that trust.
Or seems remotely interested in doing so.
Which is fine.
Because there is nothing to tell.
But I know myself
And I know I’m so emotional and my the only thing that pulses more than my heart is my mind.
It’s probably best to ditch this thing, whatever it is, before either of the aforementioned randomly changes how it feels.
But it’s so easy
And he’s so easy
Wants absolutely nothing from me
Someone who just sex is enough for.
One day I’ll be that person.
No I take that back – I don’t want to be that person.
Which begs the question – why am I doing what I’m doing.
